My house is peaceful tonight. The kids are all in bed fast asleep. I have finished my school work for the night and now I have had some time to my own thoughts to sit and be silent. I have been thinking a lot about peace recently as sometimes it is hard to find in my life. I know that there are the everyday tasks and things that happen. The house is loud, TV is on, music is on, kids are fighting, I am filled with thoughts of what to make for dinner tomorrow, finance problems and ways to solve them, counting my calories, solving my children's problems, cleaning my house... the list goes on and on. These are all distractions. They distract me from being able to feel at peace.
A few months ago I posted about going to see a therapist about my anxiety. It helped me so much to have help and I felt as though I had found peace. It wasn't until a few weeks ago when we had a chance to go to the temple as a family. Without going into too much detail I will share that I felt at peace while I was there. It was a different peace than I think I have ever felt in my life. I was overcome with the knowledge that my Father in Heaven loves me so much and that everything will be OK. I realized at that moment that I have not felt at peace in years. I was so sad that I hadn't felt this way in years. I didn't want to leave this feeling behind.
Since then, I have been trying to keep the feeling alive in my life. It is hard to do as there are so many distractions.
I sit here tonight and think about the bombings that just happened in Boston today. I was overcome with sadness. I was saddened for the families who had lost, but also sad for the people who did this awful act. In the last few years there have been horrible things that have happened to many many innocent people, and it is becoming more and more apparent that we are living in such an evil world. Evil is all around us attacking us from every side. We may not have been in a shooting or in a bombing, but we are bombarded daily with our own trials, some big and some small, that keep us from feeling that peaceful feeling.
There may not be world peace, but I know that I have to keep myself and my home at peace. I will do everything that I can to keep that peaceful feeling around me and those that I love. I will stop allowing the things of the world to creep in and fill my home with smoke. I have a tendency to be lazy and allow my tired self to take over all too much, I know that I can control this and take over. I know that personal scripture study and personal prayer, along with family prayer and scripture study have brought large amounts of peace in my life and my families.
There are always going to be things going on around me, near and far, that bring sadness and fear, but My Savior can help me to keep the peaceful feelings close to me. It takes effort, but it is an effort that is worth every second of the fight. The peace that I felt that day at the temple was one that I don't want to lose. I want that to be a feeling that I can experience daily, and any time I want. I know that I have access to it.
I just listened again to Elder Cooks talk from this last conference "Personal Peace." and he helped me to feel reassured of all of these feelings. At the end he quoted Eliza R Snow:
Christ says, “In me ye shall have peace.”
See? This is how I love to end my nights. At peace. I am peaceful tonight.