Wednesday, November 26

First 2 weeks of life

Here are the rest of the pictures from the hospital stay. It was very strange to go home with a new baby but the first week was all about rest and recovery. No make up and lots of sleeping. Today I am two weeks out and I am feeling more recovered. Little poppy is so sweet and has been so good to me. One night she even went from 11:00 PM until 8:00 AM without waking up. We are definitely starting to adjust to life with four kids and she is fitting right in.
Some of her nicknames so far are poppyseed, popsicle, lollipop and lolly, and thanks to Eric - Pop pop. 

And here are pictures from week two: 
Is this a picture overload? Maybe so. However, I was the fourth child and I am not in any pictures until I am about four years old. I may be making up for the lack of pictures my parents took of me and possibly the reason I am still called background noise to this day! Poppy will not be forgotten or become background noise. I'm going to continue to document her and how much these kids love her and always want to be holding her.

Sunday, November 23

And then there was a baby

Finally I had that Baby. I pushed her out in 5 contractions and through throwing up, crying a lot, and just going through something I have never been through before. As much as I don't want to remember this... this picture really truly is how I was feeling. I needed a cloth and I could barely look or talk to anyone. Thanks Brian for capturing my moment of glory! ha He also video taped my groaning and moaning. That was horrible and embarrassing to listen to!

 So that sweet Baby came... (Brian HATES taking pictures but clearly I was in no place to do it, so he had to step up and I am glad he did.)

Poppy Anne Rawlins
born November 13, 2014 4:54 am
8lb 3 oz
19.5 inches

 The nurse wouldn't stop telling me about "skin to skin". This is something I would normally not be a fan of and not really want anything to do with. I felt like crap and just didn't want to hold her. She told me how it helps both me and the baby and all of the benefits. It sounded really cool, and I was really hormonal and emotional, so I gave it a whirl. I am so glad I did because it brought some special moments with her and I together. She was so sweet and snuggly and I was so grumpy, she turned me around. I suddenly had attention and energy for her. To look and kiss and touch her. I loved it. And I am pretty sure so did she. We still try to do skin to skin now but it is a getting a little tougher with her getting bigger and the other kids always around!
 Her BFF to be Summer came to visit and introduce herself. Although I am pretty sure they were just BFF's a few months ago before they joined our families! Summer suddenly grew up really fast when Poppy entered the world!

 The kids couldn't wait to see her and hold her. The second day they came in to see the baby again and I had just sent her to the nursery. I would feed her and send her back almost immediately unless I had visitors because of the awful way I felt. I needed sleep any moment I could get it. I felt like I had been hit my a bus and had been laying there for days!  Anyway, kids came in and they asked where baby Poppy was. I told them I gave her back and they all got so upset thinking that I didn't want her anymore at all. ha. They love her so so much already.

I know there are a lot of pictures of me and there is actually no pictures of Brian and I with baby, maybe on my phone. I tried to curl my hair and put on makeup before leaving to feel kind of good, but it didn't help much. I felt so bad and nasty for days and days.

So we had a few visitors in the hospital but I didn't have the energy or appetite that I wished I could have had so I didn't want to see or entertain anyone. Thursday morning she was born, Saturday morning we were able to come home.

We have now been home a week and I am feeling pretty good. I forget all of the bad stuff that comes along with babies. Most of it is the stuff that my body goes through after but I am getting past the worst of it. My milk is starting to regulate, although it is still super painful and I want to give up every single time she nurses. Aches and pains in other places are starting to feel better as well.

I have been out a few times, we went to get her passport taken care of as we are going to Canada for Christmas, we went out to lunch afterward and I was kind of a hot mess worried about her being hungry in public! I went to target and yesterday we ventured to the mall to make a return of something I thought would be my favorite baby item. An Apple BABY monitor. It was actually horrible so we returned it and will go with something off the shelf at target.

Ahhhh baby life. I am getting there! It is weird that I have 4 kids and doesn't quit seem real yet, although I am pretty sure life is about to get really real with Thanksgiving break and kids out of school all week.... I am already hating it and it isn't even Monday yet! I wish I could be the mom excited about them being home, but right now at this point in my life, I am NOT!

Tuesday, November 18

The lead up...

Wednesday night I was supposed to go in to start the induction process. When I had gone into see my doctor on Tuesday I had not made any progress, I was dilated to a one, and the baby had not dropped at all. I guess when this happens she likes her patients to come in the night before to get a special medication inserted so that it can start contractions.

The plan was that by morning she would start my Pitocin give me my epidural break my water and the baby would arrive sometime mid day on Thursday. 
So we had our friend Heather come and sleep over with the kids and we packed up and left to arrive at the hospital at about 10 PM on Wednesday night.

On arriving at the hospital on check-in we had to fill out specially bowl of forms to ensure that neither of us had Ebola. I had to take a picture because it seems so surreal. After filling out the paperwork and checking in we had to sit in the waiting room for at least an hour and a half because all the beds were full. That hospital is Hoppin and there were so many babies being born but finally at 11:30-ish they called us back with the room. I didn't mind waiting in the waiting room because I wasn't having any contractions so we just sat and hung out together Brian and I.
As soon as we got back I changed into my hospital gown which Brian called very flattering on me.  We then sat in a room waiting for a nurse to come in for at least another half an hour. After midnight they came in to start some of the monitors and get me all checked in with all of their questions that they ask. At this point they had still not check to me at all or started the medication that the doctor wanted me to start. Kind a got the feeling that they were delaying our induction because they were so busy. 
My feet were so swollen and Brian was so kind to give me one last foot massage before the baby was born. As we waited to get checked in and for me to get checked for the first time I started to have very severe contractions. I didn't think much of it until I started to realize they were three minutes apart and were hurting quite badly. I had started labor on my own without any of their medication at this point. I told Brian that they were severe enough that I would've woken up and made him take me to the hospital anyway. 
After the monitors were all hooked up and I convinced the nurses that I needed some medication they gave me something that they said would "take the edge off  and feel like I had a few margaritas". Sure enough shortly after I started to feel warm all over and realize that the medication was working. I immediately started to feel a little bit more emotional and a little bit sleepy.

At this point they finally check to me and I was a 2 1/2 and they gave me the special medication that was supposed to start my contractions. They only get it if you're under three and I was still technically under three so they gave it to me as per Dr.'s orders. They did not want to start the epidural and so that's why they started the other medication first and it was supposed to wear off within about four hours and I would feel back to myself again.

At this point it was probably about 2 o'clock in the morning. My contractions had officially started at about one or 130. Medication was making me very sleepy and I started to doze off for only about 30 minutes. I was woken to some more severe contractions and some severe nausea. I asked for my epidural as these contractions were very painful. When they check to me at this point I was a six. Clearly I was moving a lot faster than they had anticipated.

They called my doctor who was already on her way in for another delivery. By the time she came in to see me I was already in eight and my water had still not broken. She decided to go deliver her other baby and then when she came back I was now at a nine and she broke my water. It was now time to push. 

At this point I felt like death and there was nothing I wanted to do but die.  Medicine that they had given me was making me feel so out of my realm. I was vomiting I was sleepy I was confused and I was super hormonal and emotional crying and weeping all over the place. As they told me it was time to push there was no happiness in me at all and I did not want to have that baby. 

I pushed through about five contractions and a lot of pain. Again I was still crying I was still mad I was still vomiting, not my ideal way of having a baby. I had Courtney we laughed and smiled through the entire thing, it was such a joyous occasion and I couldn't wait to see her.
With this one I couldn't wait for it to be over so everyone would leave me alone. After I push the baby out finally they put her up on top of my chest and I had zero strength left in me to even touch her.... 

To be continued with more pictures coming soon. 

Wednesday, November 12

Baby this and Baby that

My past three deliveries have all happened one week before my due date, naturally. Yesterday was that mark for this pregnancy. It was 39 weeks and I actually went in to see my Doctor. I have never been into my 39 week appointment before because I have always gone into labour before then! I would be lying if i said I wasn't disappointed this was hasn't yet come. 

So today I am 6 days away from my due date and I feel no different. I don't feel like the baby has dropped, I am not in pain, I just don't have that feeling that the baby is coming. I feel let down! Let down from the anticipation of thinking I would have it yesterday or the day before. 

So now I am over that. I am scheduled to be induced tomorrow, but since my appointment yesterday showed NO progress whatsoever (i am dilated to a 1 and no sign of dropping) She wants me to come in tonight to get things rolling, then in the morning she will break my water and really get the party started.  I can NOT wait to see this baby girl. i also can NOT believe i am having a baby. I know I should have gotten over this months ago, but seriously... I am having a baby. A 4th baby. Am i ready for this? no. Will I ever be? no. Will she be loved unconditionally and will we ever be able to see or imagine life without this little soul? no. Does that take away from the fact that i am scared to death to have four kids? no. 

When I had Courtney I discovered the beast called anxiety. I currently suffer from it and try to maintain control over my thoughts and feelings all the time. my trigger? MY KIDS. This is kind of funny considering I am about to throw another one in the mix. We did not anticipate this baby in our family, we thought we were done with a family of 5. We were very happy and content with each child having their own room and being able to start some fun family vacations without having a baby around. Courtney is 4 and potty trained, in school, and no longer needs naps. We were actually planning a trip to Disney World... THIS WEEK! But then back in March, we found out the news that we would indeed be having another member of our family. So then we had to cancel Disney and several other plans. I think up until this point, my belly has grown and I have felt the ups and downs of putting my mind around another family member, but it hasn't seemed like it is real. Finally today while at lunch I was overcome with a feeling of fear, joy, excitement and wonder as I realized that I really am having a baby. 24 hours from now I will have a baby in my arms relying on me to live. 

I cant sleep well and have to make awful noises to just roll over in bed, touch my toes, put on socks and shoes, walk, or do anything. My stomach is small and cant hold much, and everything I eat gives me heart burn. I have done through 3 whole containers of TUMS this pregnancy and I am ready to not feel like my ribs are bruised. I cant see my toes, I cant put lotion on my legs or feet, I cant breath very well, my feet hurt and feel like I always need a foot rub. my maternity clothes no longer fit me and my shoes don't either. I am eager to move on and get going with a normal body again. I am excited to see the kids and how they treat a baby sister and how helpful they will be. 

That being said, I have never been induced before and I am getting scared and nervous. We go in to the hospital in a few hours and start the process and I am scared it wont work, i am scared it will take a long time, I am scared of the pain and the fear and making sure baby girl is healthy and i am healthy. WHY am I so scared? I know that I will be watched over and safe. I know that I am strong and can make it through child birth because i have done it before 3 other times. I also was able to witness my mother enduring through so much pain this summer. She is strong and amazing and what I am about to go through has nothing on her. I am not going on life support, or in the ICU, I am not getting cancer removed, or any other body part for that matter. I will not be in the hospital for 4 weeks, I will be able to eat normal food and not liquid diet, I will not have to monitor my anything and I will be healthy and ready to go home in 3 days. WHY AM I SCARED? So I am going to choose to not be scared. It is my choice and my attitude how this goes down and I will decide to make it a happy great wonderful experience for me, Brian, and my family. I feel blessed to be able to have a baby and live in a country where they take such great care of me and a newborn baby. 

Lastly, we have been on a roller coaster of names. It has been really hard to pin one down this time around. We have been through many names and disagreed on many. Penelope, Scarlett, Clementine, Katherine, Bridgett, and many more have been in the running along the way. We have slowly cut many out and brought them back into the running. Last night I felt the pressure to make a decision though as I bought our airplane tickets to go to Canada for Christmas this year. So I put in a name and a birthday so I hope it sticks and I still feel good about it come tomorrow when little miss Comes to town! 

Saturday, November 1

THE Party

Brian and I had SO much fun putting together our first annual Adult Halloween party. I started to collect decor early on and We decorated our house for hours and hours with the theme of "Halloween Chic" - That was Brian's term for what kind of party it was! Ha - He thinks he is so clever!
We covered our walls with old yellowed book pages and then old beat up frames and mirrors. I filled jars with mad scientist creepy nasty things and had candelabras and spider webs every where. I spray painted some branches black and perched those around the house and I filled the fireplace with bones and skulls. I had lanterns everywhere and we switched out all of the lighting for mood lighting in black lights, red lights, green lights, and orange lights.  It took us hours and hours but it was so much fun. The atmosphere is what made it so cool!
We then had some corn hole outside, ping pong upstairs with some football playing, and tons of food and a candy bar. The funnest thing I thought, was the photo booth we had set up in the office. We had about 70 people come and MOST of them took a turn in the photobooth... check out these awesome creative costumes people came up with this year!

Next year Brian is already plotting and planning what we will do and how we will decorate the house. It is a GREAT and super fun idea but I have to keep reminding him that it is many many many weeks away, like 52! Come on, I think I have a lot of my plate coming up until then! How about we focus on baby next and not our next years Halloween party!