Tuesday, January 31

Struggle

So is it possible to be having post pardum when your baby is 16 months old? still? Or do i just call in anxiety? Or low self esteem?

I usually don't like posts like this, but lately (as in the last month or so) I have been down down down. I've been super emotional and snappy, I have been having a hard time losing any of the last few pounds I want to lose and it has made me hate my body, I have found it frustrating every day, all day to be a mom and not yell and get mad at little things. I am trying so hard. I have been praying And praying for patience with my kids, my hubby, and myself. I have been reading talks and trying and trying and trying. I feel like I can not ever get everything I need to get done, done. There aren't enough hours, there aren't enough times I could give enough hugs and cuddles, and kisses. I don't ever want to cook, and cleaning is a must but I procrastinate till the end.

Maybe this is just part of being a mom, and everyone goes through times like this, but I gotta say that I feel all alone in it. When i see other moms, i have to remember I am seeing their best front, on blogs they are writing the best things. I mean come on, Friday family night? It's great and fun and wonderful but do i mention the day and hours leading up to it? Oh no no no! So I have to tell myself that I am normal and everyone goes though this. It is part of life and being a mom, and human.

Really, i have to keep telling myself that i am here on this earth to become a better more Christ like person. There are obstacles along the way and things that we need to learn about ourselves. Patience is a big one for me, and I am working so hard to be that way. I kmow I can't just pray and ask for it, but i need to work at it daily over and over.

Thanks for reading my blah blah blah. I just had to get that out there. To someone other than me, And other than certain men who just don't get it sometimes, even when they a super sensative and wonderful, even they just don't get it sometimes.

Ps. Family fun Friday didn't happen this week. The kids were naughty and got it taken away. Instead I watched "eat pray love", and "hello dolly!" By myself. I enjoyed both... A lot.

10 comments:

aidanjordan said...

Jeni, you are crazy. You are so hard on yourself. You don't even realize how I look at you and wish I could be as good a mom as you! Give yourself some credit!

Meagan said...

I know I haven't seen you in your "Mom Pants," buuuut I do know that you are a fantastic and wonderful person (and totally gorgeous too girl). And you come from an amazing family with wonderful parents.

I totally get into these funks where nothing helps, nothing works, and nothing gets better. I think the best thing is just time. I was a freaking emotional wreck post miscarriage last year and Ryan kept telling me I needed to get on depression pills, which made it WORSE. Within a few months of praying hard and really trying my hardest everyday to be happy and to find happy things, the anxiety and depressed feelings and feeling not good enough, went away.

And I'm not saying i'm perfect, because I am NOT in any way, but I know that mamas go through ups and downs. I am pretty sure it is a normal thing. Life isn't always unicorns and butterflies. Frankly, it rarely is. And when you have 3 young children, I'm sure you are running around like mad making sure all the kids are happy AND taking care of everything else.

Hang in there Jeni. You are amazing. And venting on your blog helps ME out because it shows that I'm not the only stressed out mama who dreads waking up some mornings to start the routine over again!

Wiseguys said...

So yeah. Maybe you needed to post this because I've been going through the same thing the last few months and I needed to know I'm not the only one.

It's not that I'm down all the time, but my down days seem to be more frequent and so much further down than they usually are. (also, sometimes my amazing hubby doesn't get it, okay, let's be honest, usually he doesn't get it, because it doesn't really make sense).

I wish I could tell you what to do, but I haven't found the solution yet. Maybe it helps to know you aren't alone? Also I think sometimes experiencing the lows makes me so much more grateful for the good days and more empathetic to others that are struggling.

Sara said...

The Friday night fun night thing I told spencer all about because it is awesome and you do such a great job. That's a good mom. And seriously all the pics I see you are skinnyyyy. Just my thoughts.

Alysha said...

you are SOOOOO not alone!! it's true - people only post "the best" stuff on their blogs and leave the "dirt" out. just know that truly you are not alone! you are an awesome mom.

Anna@Exasperation said...

Oh girl. You're singing my song as usual. We alllllllll go through this. What we do everyday is demanding. And we often demand perfection from ourselves, while making allowance for OTHER people to be human.
Keep praying, be willing to enjoy less-than-perfection and remove the distractions. That's the ONLY thing that helps me when I'm like this. Don't speed up. Slow down and focus on the basics (even though, let's be honest, with littles at home there are TOO MANY BASICS TO FOCUS ON!). And good luck. And tell me if you ever get it figured out. Because then you can come help me:)

Sara said...

I'm right there with you!! I've noticed I feel more down when the weather is cloudy or I'm stuck inside all day. I don't have much motivation to do anything on those days! I think you're beautiful and I would kill to have your body! :) We need to hang out more to let the kiddos play!

Audrey said...

I have to say that I can completely relate. Unfortunately, I have yet to find a solution to all of the madness myself. It sounds to me like you're doing all the right things, because they're the same things that I think of when I start to feel this way myself (especially when it comes to the patience department.) Just remember that, not only does Heavenly Father love your children, but He loves you too. He WILL help you and comfort you. Just keep trying, that's all He asks. You are a wonderful, beautiful, amazing person that I admire dearly. Hang in there. :)

BrittanyB said...

Silly Jeni, if you pray for patience it gets tested! You are definitely not alone in this, we all go through it. I think you are an amazing Mommy, and you are gorgeous, and I miss your face.

jayme said...

Ditto on everyone else's comments! Love ya Jeni!