Friday, January 23


I know that all children have an attitude all of their own. And I'm sure all children drive their parents either totally crazy or make them totally happy. Sometimes I find it hard to just be in the middle with my children. I'm either way app or way down. I guess you could say my children bring on a state of mental illness for me. No seriously, they give me anxiety.

Let's start with Natalie. She is a very smart sweet beautiful girl. She also butts heads with me more than any of my other children. There are many many many times I do not know what to do with her. She can be completely happy and on cloud nine and one thing as simple as the word "no" can change her into a huge beast. She hates to be told no and she hates to be told what to do. She likes to think for herself and if I have to think for her or answer for her or decide for her she completely lets loose on me. Sometimes I feel like we fight constantly. I really am trying to figure her out and see how best to handle her. I don't know how to discipline her when she is going to bazurk  on me. Sometimes I try to hug her and love her and yet that seems to only make it worse and fuel the fire. Many times I feel like it is a power struggle with her and I don't want to give in and she doesn't want to give in. I just don't know how far to go until you finally give in order to avoid a full-blown crazy circus. This girl is crazy town! I am not going to lie, I am really nervous for her to become a teenager. I hope the rumors are true and if they are a difficult child it will be an easy teenager. Somehow I think this will not happen!! 

She is also super sweet and sensitive and compassionate. She loves poppy and knows how to take care of her way beyond her years. I trust her to pick her up and rock her and take care of her when my hands are tied. She knows what she loves, and loves when she gets those things! I try to help her to see someone else aside and to understand things like if her favorite Legos get broken and I have to say she is finally picking up on having a little bit of compassion towards other children. She tests me and makes me stronger I hope that I make her a better person as well. I love this little girl so much. She will never know how much I really really love her.
This kid is something else.  Boots. First of all I think he is the most handsome boy ever. He is also super kind and sweet and charitable and thoughtful. He loves his sisters so very much and would do anything for them. When they are sad he makes them happy. He cannot come into the room where the baby is and not come and kiss her. He is constantly kissing on her. To the point that it drives me crazy and really annoys me. He will give up his dessert, his favorite toy, choice of the movie or even a night out with mom or dad to make one of his sisters happy. He is truly so giving to all of those around him. He has a very tender heart and can get his feelings hurt easily. He has a smile and cry that melts my heart and makes me want to do anything for him.

On the contrary, he is absolutely crazy. He is so loud and if it can be jumped off of he will do it. He is constantly running and sliding and never slows down. I actually have no idea how he doesn't get more hurt than he already does. He is always climbing up something and jumping down climbing up something else and jumping down running to the next thing to climb up and then jump down. He has done this ever since he was born and this may be one of the things that gives me the most anxiety. How loud he is and how crazy he is.  It's not that I think he's going to get hurt and that's what gives me the anxiety, but just how he is constantly doing it and how loud he is. It really drives me up the wall. 
Poppy. Can she do any wrong? Not yet. She is completely perfect in my eyes. She is so sweet. She cries when she is hungry, tired, or has a poop be diaper. She is the perfect baby and I hope she stays that way. She is also the most beautiful baby I have ever seen. There have been numerous times when this little girl has melted my heart and made me cry out of joy. She is such a blessing to have in our home and I can't imagine life without her. I can't believe we even tried to think that we were done at three kids. The Lord always has something else in store for us. What I looked at as a trial when I first got pregnant is now a huge blessing. Isn't that the way it always is?
Then there is this. Courtney. I have no idea what is going on with her. Maybe I don't give her the benefit of the doubt and realize that she really is only four years old. She is so big that she feels like she is a six-year-old to me.  When in reality she is still going through so many emotions and changes. She is still in preschool and will be for a whole Nother year and a half.

 I have to remember that she is just little even though she physically is big. She is so special to me and is such a joy. She also drives me the most crazy right now. I feel like 95% of her day is spent crying. Even when she has a nap she still is grumpy and sad most of the time. If I try hard to remember what it was like with my other kids when they were her age, I am pretty sure they went through the same thing. She has started to become more sassy and will tell me know and stomped her feet and slam the doors. She also refuses to do anything helpful around the house. All the other kids pitch in when it comes to chores and cleaning, but this little girl somehow refuses to help with any of it. She has a way of making me forget the things I have asked her to do. She gives me these illusions that she is happy when in reality she is still super grumpy and sassy.  I am trying all sorts of things to get to the bottom of her tears but I just can't figure it out.
She is so much fun to play with though and it such a fun age to imagine with. She loves her baby dolls more than anything and will push them around in strollers and grocery carts all day long. She also likes to play imagination with anything that is around. Sometimes she will take the pillows off the couch and pretend like they are her class, or she will get out all the bottles of hairspray and lotion in my bathroom and play "family" with them. This girl has one of the best memories I have ever seen in my life. She can listen to one song once and pretty much know most of the words to the song. She is constantly singing and stays on tune almost perfect.  I love to listen to her sing songs because I think she is so great. She is such a special key part of our family I just wish that this crying phase of her life would pass quickly.

So as sassy grouchy and crazy as my children can be, I have to remember and realize that this time when they're little will pass all too quickly and one day very soon I will wish that they were little again. I will wish that they were making a mess in their bedrooms and upstairs and I will wish that they weren't cleaning them up. I will long for doors been slammed and holding little crying faces. I will miss them rummaging through the pantry nonstop eating anything they can get their sticky little hands on. I will miss them climbing into my car with dog poop on their shoe getting it all over, waking up the baby with their kisses all over her face, and fighting with them each and every night to get clean in the shower. That one I will truly not understand. It feels so good to be clean!
God has really blessed me with four beautiful wonderful children. I am a super lucky mom! 

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